[ASC-list] Science jokes

Glenn Conroy glenn1231946 at gmail.com
Tue Dec 31 04:36:10 UTC 2013

Courtesy Guardian
not ranked in order funniness (is that a word)?

1.     Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain.
Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then
he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says: "Hey, I've figured it out.
I know where we are."
"Where are we then?"
"Do you see that mountain over there?"
"Well… THAT'S where we are."

*Jeff Forshaw* <http://www.theguardian.com/profile/jeff-forshaw>*,
professor of physics and astronomy, University of Manchester*

2.  An electron and a positron go into a bar.
Positron: "You're round."
Electron: "Are you sure?"
Positron: "I'm positive."
*Joanna Haigh*<http://www.imperial.ac.uk/AP/faces/pages/read/Home.jsp?person=j.haigh&_adf.ctrl-state=iqfcrnn8w_3&_afrRedirect=515411993438083>*,
professor of atmospheric physics, Imperial College, London*

*3.  Scientists worked out how to predict winner horse race*
The biologists said that they could genetically engineer an unbeatable
racehorse, but it would take 200 years and $100bn. The statisticians
reported next. They said that they could predict the outcome of any race,
at a cost of $100m per race, and they would only be right 10% of the time.
Finally, the physicists reported that they could also predict the outcome
of any race, and that their process was cheap and simple. The investors
listened eagerly to this proposal. The head physicist reported, "We have
made several simplifying assumptions: first, let each horse be a perfect
rolling sphere…
*Ewan Birney* <http://www.ebi.ac.uk/~birney/>*, associate director,
European Bioinformatics Institute*

*4.  *What is a physicist's favourite food? Fission chips.
*Callum Roberts*<http://www.york.ac.uk/environment/our-staff/callum-roberts/>*,
professor in marine conservation, University of York*

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